I don’t like women. They are so busy!
This is true! How many times do you call
them? Once? Two times? Three times? Four? No, no, no!
If you have self-esteem like rhino-hide,
you could see they are not interested
in you, and this is why they don’t call you
back! But then they send those letters to you!
“Dear Blank I’m sorry but I’m so busy!
But please don’t give up! I’m interested
in getting to know you better! Please call
me!” I hate this! It makes me want to hide
my face in my hands and say “No, no, no!”
Why can’t women give a “Yes” or a “No”?
Are they really interested in you?
You’ve already asked your friend to please hide
your telephone, so she’ll think you’re busy!
How much respect can she have if you call
now? You have to keep them interested!
How can you, friend, keep them interested
when you act like a yo-yo? No, no, no!
This is the proverbial beck and call!
This is the grim resistance part, when you
pump that testosterone—get it busy!
Feelings, at this point, are what you must hide!
Call me a Neanderthal, fine, but hide
them! Women are only interested
in feelings they can understand! “Busy”
is their way of stamping a great big “No!”
on your forehead. It freaks them out when you
sob into the phone every time you call
them, asking why they never ever call
you when they say they will! You’ve got to hide
things like that! She doesn’t need to know you
like small kittens and are interested
in Shakespearian poetry! Big no!
They will run from you and say they’re busy!
So don’t call them! Let them come out to you!
Hide! You are not interested! Hell no!
It’s all a lie! You’re just way too busy!
[Author's note: The above poem, as mentioned in the title, is a sestina! The rules of this type of poem are unique and complex! This is my piddling little attempt at one! The original version of this was poem first published in All Your Parts Intact: Poems (2003).]
